“Pastor, I think I love my family more than I love my wife. Do you think this will pose a threat to my marriage?”

Certainly! Any marriage where either the man or the woman loves their relatives more will suffer great trials. I actually witnessed one, it was clear that the husband loved his family more, and the wife probably thought she could manage the situation. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out as she thought, the last time I checked, they were seperated.

Ofcourse we may begin to analyze the other things that may have caused their seperation, but at the root of all that we may find is the feeling of competition that the wife nursed for years. And believe me, there’s no greater emotional battle than having to fight to get the most love from your husband or wife.

However, I strongly believe that the reason why you love your family more than your wife is because you probably don’t understand the different classifications of love. So, let’s begin from there:

Love is an emotion with vastly differing degrees of intensity. And all through scriptures we’d find 4 unique types of love which the original Greek Bible communicated as Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape. They simply mean romantic love, family love, brotherly love, and God’s divine love.

Eros is the Greek word for sensual or romantic love. The term originated from the mythological Greek god of love, sexual desire, physical attraction, and physical love. Love in the form of Eros seeks its own interest and satisfaction – to possess the object of love. The scripture makes it clear that eros love is reserved for marriage. Promiscuity of all types was rampant in ancient Greek culture and was one of the obstacles Apostle Paul had to battle while planting churches in the eastern Mediterranean. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Apostle Paul warned young believers against engaging in immorality: “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust”. Within the boundary of marriage, eros love is to be celebrated and enjoyed as a blessing from God. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” ( see also Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 7:5; Ecclesiastes 9:9).

Storge is a term for love in the Bible that not many believers are familiar with. The Greek word describes family love, the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents and children, brothers and sisters. Many examples of family love are found in Scripture, such as the mutual protection among Noah and his wife, the love of Jacob for his sons, and the strong love the sisters Martha and Mary had for their brother Lazarus. Apostle Paul made reference to this type of love in Romans 12:10 when he said “… be devoted to one another with brotherly affection”. Since sporge is a family type of love, we’re also expected to have it towards our family in Christ. Just as you share the same blood in your natural family, we also share the same blood in Christ.

Philia is the type of intimate love that most committed Christians practice toward each other. This Greek term describes the powerful emotional bond seen in deep friendships. Philia originates from the Greek term phílos, a noun meaning “beloved, a friend, someone dearly loved (prized) in a personal, intimate way; a trusted confidant held dear in a close bond of personal affection”. Philia expresses experience-based love. We see an example between David and Jonathan. Coincidentally, Jesus said philia would be an identifier of his followers: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” (John 13:35, NIV). Now you’d understand why the world thinks that Christians don’t love themselves.

Agape is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. This term defines God’s immeasurable, incomparable love for humankind. It is the divine love that comes from God. Agape love is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. Jesus Christ demonstrated this kind of divine love to his Father and to all humanity in the way he lived and died: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Asides having Eros for your wife, God also commands the husband to have Agape towards his wife😳. I know, you didn’t see that coming, right? Me too! I’m as shocked as you are right now. This is probably the greatest revelation I’ve received about marriage.

Ephesians 5:
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

Did you see that? He gave a measurement to the love, it has to be as Christ loved the church, the very love you can sacrifice your life for. And remember, this kind of love can only be sponsored by the Spirit of God.

So after God, the very next person that should get more love is your wife, and then your brethren in Christ. Anybody who is not in Christ should come last, even if they are your natural family members. Jesus Himself told us that His brethren are those who were in the same spiritual fold with Him. He said this when He was told that His mother needed to see Him.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

#EmekaAnslem