“Pastor, my husband complains that I make him talk too much. He’s always wondering why I think the way I do. I haven’t changed from the same person he married, so what could be wrong?”

If you haven’t changed from the person he married, then that’s the problem right there. You’d agree with me that you didn’t know everything about God before you received Jesus as Lord and Saviour over your life, however, you’ve continued to excel in your relationship with God only because the thoughts and ways of God are not only higher than your thoughts and ways, they’ve also contributed to your spiritual growth. If you want your spouse or partner to always enjoy you, then your thinking pattern has to be matchable at all times.

Marriage is an institution, just like a formal institution, you’re not expected to remain the same from your first year in school to your third or fifth year. If you are the same person, then it simply means you didn’t learn anything.

Speaking of personality, our personality is a function of our thinking pattern. Take a look back at all the people you recently decided not to have any business with in recent times, you’d realize that something about their thinking pattern or capacity affected your relationship with them and ultimately influenced your decision to stay away.

It’s a common scriptural knowledge that as a man thinks in his heart, so he is. Oftentimes, starting a relationship isn’t the problem, it is sustaining and growing in the relationship that is. Everything may seem perfect in the beginning, but something about how you both think would begin to influence the relationship.

When people say they don’t like the way you think, they don’t literally mean that you don’t know how to “think”, they just mean that you have an underdeveloped mental faculty, or your sense of reasoning is not matchable or at least compensates their own. Other things you may consider are; your sense of judgement, compassion, your sense of perception, your will power, and your intuition. The shocking thing is, you may not even know that your mental faculty is low. Everybody thinks he’s right until he learns that he was wrong all along.

Speaking of learning, your mental faculty can only be improved through; the knowledge you permit into your mind, the people you relate with, and the places you spend your time. My wife once did something I didn’t like for our first child, and when I spoke to her about it, her response clearly showed that she didn’t know what the scripture says about what she did. She argued about it until I showed her what the bible says about it. Even after showing her, it took a while before she could adjust. That’s to tell you how deep seated our thinking pattern rules our lives. Sometimes you’d have to consciously unlearn what you knew so that you can update yourself.

Be careful who you relate with. The scriptures have made it clear that “He that walks with the wise shall be wise, but relationship with a foolish person will lead to destruction”. Many women think destructively without knowing, only because they mix with friends that share destructive ideas with them. Instead of filtering these ideas, they’d take it straight to their home and implement them.

Be deliberate about improving the knowledge in your mind. The knowledge that got you married may not sustain the marriage. The bible says, “My people are destroyed for the lack of lack of knowledge”. The moment you start noticing arguments and disagreements in your relationship, it means that destruction is lurking somewhere. It also means that one party is operating in a more superior knowledge than the other.

Don’t watch your husband read all the books and listen to all the sermons, ensure you’re also reading and listening to update yourself. I know it’s not so easy for women, especially while raising kids, but God’s grace is sufficient for you. Think about it, you need knowledge to raise those kids too. It will be difficult for a parent that has a poor mental faculty to raise a smart child, except God grants favour.

As I conclude, don’t run your marriage or any relationship with an outdated knowledge, you’d be spending time in fixing damages instead of enjoying the relationship.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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