“Pastor, why is it that when my husband prays for other people the pray answers, but when he prays for me I don’t see answers. What could be wrong?”

One of the greatest revelations I’ve received from the Lord about marriage in recent times is that the man and the woman become one flesh once they are joined in marriage. Most marriage counselors have limited that scripture to discussions that borders around abuse by the husband, but it’s deeper than that. Before I continue, let me show you a scripture where it was first revealed:

Genesis 2:
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

God didn’t want man to be alone, idle or bored, especially when there’s no work to do, so he decided to make an help that will be compatible with him. In the preceding verses, the first set of help that God brought to Adam were actually animals. As soon as God decided to make an help for man, the first attempt was actually creating animals from the ground and bringing them to Adam to see what he would call them. If Adam had found a help in any of those animals, that would have been it. But according to verse 20, Adam couldn’t find a help within those animals.

The next thing that God did was make Adam sleep, and then He took from his ribs and made a woman. When God was done making the woman, He brought her to Adam the same way He brought the animals to Adam to see what he would call her. As soon as Adam sighted the woman, he called her bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. In other words, this one is compatible with me.

Then the very next verse reveals the mystery of finding a spouse; it says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife…”. So a man or a woman should leave their parents and be joined to their spouse when two conditions are met; first, when you have an assignment from God that you dress and keep; second, when your assignment demands that you get a spouse – which should be gotten by looking within and not without. God brought animals to him from without, but they were not compatible with him. But when he brought someone that came from within Adam, she was compatible.

If you’re looking for a wife, don’t decide based on the exterior or the things you see in the world, look from within you to know the kind of woman that will join you in executing that which God has put in your hand. Conclude on the kind of person within you before you start looking without. If you bring a spouse from without, your assignment may be a struggle to pursue. Imagine that Adam found companion in a lion, the lion would probably eat up Adam. Some people got married to wild beasts because they were looking without in search of a partner. Search within you, that’s the only way you’d know the kind of person that will be compatible with you. That’s the implication of taking Adam’s ribs and making the woman; look within you, not without.

Once you’re joined with your spouse, the concluding part of that scripture says both of you will become one flesh. Which simply means that God is seeing both the husband and the wife as one person – and that’s obviously the person who is pursuing the assignment given by God. In this case, the woman doesn’t even have to engage as much spiritual investment as the husband, yet she can get equal results as the husband, because they are one flesh. Apostle Paul teaches us that the unbelieving wife can be sanctified by the believing husband and vise versa. My wife may not be as spiritual as I am, but she has access to all the spiritual possibilities that I have. My wife may not give to the kingdom as much as I do, but she has access to every possibility that is available to me through my engagements, and this is because we’ve become one flesh.

If she’s sick, I don’t have to pray for her to be heal. The fact that I’m not sick is enough for her to receive her healing. If I’m not struggling financially, then she has no business struggling financially. Not because I give her money, but because she’s entitled to equal blessings as I have through my faith in God.

The challenge most times is that one of the spouse do not believe in the investments of the other, and once there’s no faith, you can’t be a beneficiary of the blessings available. Think about this, we are espoused with Christ who has paid the price for everything that pertains to life and godliness, but if you don’t express your faith in the finished work, will you gain access to the blessings? No way!

I heard a story of a man of God who’s wife was always trivializing his anointing. Not that she disrespected her husband, but she just wasn’t into the ministry thing. Meanwhile, they had loads of challenges in their home. The pastor would do all kinds of miracles in church but come home to challenges that keep stirring at them in the face. They were okay with it until one day when a woman shared a testimony of how the pastor prayed for her family and everything changed. The service had not ended when this pastor’s wife walk out of the church. Ofcourse the congregation wondered what could have happened, even the husband who was preaching was worried too. He rushed home after service and was surprised by what he saw. The wife had prepared a banquet on the dining time. As soon as the wife saw him, she ushered him with so much reverence to the table, served the food, knelt down before her husband, and said, “Man of God, my family needs help, please pray for me”.

Even as I write the story I can feel an anointing, now imagine how the pastor would feel. According to the story, he was so full of the Spirit that day that he didn’t know when he started praying for his wife. Lo and behold, his family began to experience expansion.

As a couple, there must be unity between you. You’re now one person before God, and a double minded person is unstable in all his ways. As a woman, stop fighting your husband, especially if he’s pursuing the purposes of God for his life. The spirituality and divine positioning of your marriage is more important than anything else. It’s more important than the emotions and anything else. Apostle Paul clearly tells us that emotions can be a distraction to the kingdom, so don’t blame him when he’s showing less emotions. It’s better he has control over his emotions than letting it distract him. Otherwise, why would God ask Abraham to sacrifice the son he loved? Why would Jesus encourage those who forsook their wives to follow His kingdom? It’s simply to ensure that their spirituality is still speaking loudest.

Adam needed a companion when there was no more work to do, so when there’s an obvious work to do in the kingdom, then you should join forces with your husband to get the work done. Instead of telling him that he’s not romantic, go on your knees and start praying for him to succeed in his pursuit. According to Apostle, the time is short, and there’s no room for distraction. Romance is good, but even as a woman, you have to learn how to set your priorities and tame your emotions when needed. From experience, women who support their husband spiritually enjoy emotional affection even more, and that’s because they’re sowing seeds. Whoever sows seeds reap. Complaining is never a seed.

When you sense that your husband seems more attentive to spiritual things or you know he has to prepare for a spiritual assignment, that’s not really a time to activate his emotions. Rather, it’s a time to support him spiritually. Suggest things that would better his assignment. When God said you should help the man, this is actually the main thing. When your husband knows that you support his walk with God, there’d be no resistance from him. If you know a pastor who has succeeded in pursuing God’s plan, then you probably should book an appointment with his wife, you’d be surprised the emotional sacrifices she endures to see the pastor excel.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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