“Pastor, I was sexually abused when I was a young girl, and now it is affecting my marriage. What do I do to forget this past experience so that it does not continue affecting my relationships?”
Let me guess, you never told anyone about it, including your husband. Well, one of the greatest mistakes victims of abuse make is that they conceal the abuse. While some do it because of the shame it may bring if they tell people, others conceal it only because they were threatened by the abuser.
It’s true that time heal wounds, but some emotional wounds only become demonized with time. Even if you try to bury your emotions over an abuse in time, that emotion would only die for a moment and resurrect just when you never expected it. So concealing sexual abuse hoping that you’d forget the experience with time isn’t the best idea.
Emotions are powerful, demons can literally turn your emotional attractions into hatred. That’s why we see women hate a man they once loved. If a woman that once loved you hasn’t developed hatred for you, then there’s a ninety percent chance that she still loves you. Believe me, even Christians who are filled with the Spirit of God still fall victim of their emotions. And if there’s anything the devil uses more to derail God’s people, it’s their emotion.
Ask drug addicts why they started taking drugs, they’d never tell you that they just love drugs, rather they’d tell you it helps them forget their sorrows and pains. Many women have even become men-slayers only because they thought that killing the abuser would help them forget. After they killed the abuser, the devil creeped in and deceived them into believing that no man is worthy of living, and so they took it upon themselves to kill any man that comes their way, even genuine ones. All of these because they tried to forget the pain and sorrow.
But that’s the problem, sorrows and pains are not meant to be forgotten, they are our leverage for a great story. So instead of trying to forget the abuse, talk about it and receive counsel from both people who have gone through what you went through and people who understand the ways of God.
Don’t let your mind deceive you into thinking that you’re the only one going through that situation, because frankly speaking, many have, and many more will. We already know from scripture that there’s no problem that comes to a man that isn’t common. That’s right! It’s not new at all. And if it’s not new, why would you choose to conceal it?
So use your experience wisely, rather than concealing it. While you may not be able to do anything about the ones that have happened, you can use your experience to make a difference in the future. Face your past without regret, handle your present with confidence.
Finally, become a word addict and maintain fellowship with the Holy Spirit. We know from scriptures that God’s word can pierce through our hearts and correct just anything, and then the Holy Spirit mends our heart brokenness.
Growing up in the faith, I always took betrayals to heart. Even if I forgave the person, we may never communicate again. But I discovered that the more I let God’s word and God’s Spirit find residence in my heart, certain negative feelings don’t stay long in me as they use to. Someone hurt me really bad recently, and I was shocked by the way I forgave her, it was not the normal me at all. It felt as though there was no space in my heart to old a grudge against the person. Honestly, I really wanted to create spaceš , but there was none. The next time I saw the person, it was as though nothing had happened.
Now I understand what the bible meant when it said Jesus made himself of no reputation. My personal pride and feelings had been taken over by God’s word and God’s Spirit. Honestly, it’s a beautiful experience.
So, stop trying to forget, because you don’t really need to. Talk about it, receive counsel, meditate on God’s word, and fellowship with His Spirit. It’s only a matter of time before you find purpose again.
I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.
Remain ever blessed!
#EmekaAnslem
