“Pastor, my son has gone wayward and he no longer listens to me. Should I disown him before he does something bad?”

Really? Disown him before he does something bad? Have you forgotten that you were already doing badly before Christ decided to die for you? You can’t give up on parenting just because the relationship between you and your child is currently unpleasant. You must have faith, even if that faith will mean the death of your personal ego, self-pride, and reputation. Jesus made himself of no reputation.

Raising children or parenting isn’t an easy task at all. Just as having a successful marital life does not have a universal formula, raising children does not have a universal formula. Ofcourse you may draw inspiration from the Bible or from people, but its application will definitely be different.

Copy and paste does not work in raising children, and that’s because all kids are wired with different potentials and temperaments from God. And if you want to raise them well, you must raise them based on their potentials and temperaments.

For instance, a child who likes to write would most likely practice a solitary lifestyle. Yelling and maltreating that child because he’s always distant from people will make him even more distant from you. Humans are only wired to love others just as they love themselves. They can’t love you if you dont allow them to love themselves. Likewise, if you keep invading your child’s natural habitat, that child can’t love you. He can’t love you because he has not been successful in loving himself, and that’s because you keep invading.

Imagine a fish loving a fisherman. Imagine a prey loving a hunter. You’d have natural hatred for anything or anyone that takes you away from your natural habitat. If a person deeps your head in water and won’t release it for about 5 minutes, if you don’t die, chances are that you’d never forgive that person, because he almost killed you. That’s how many parents raise their children, they try to choke their actual life out of them by forcing an artificial life on them.

So the first assignment of every parent towards their children is to understand their potentials and temperaments. It might interest you to know that even twins hardly share the same potentials and temperaments.

Genesis chapter 8 discloses to us that the imagination of man is evil from his youth. In other words, your son didn’t just emerge wayward out of the blues, he started imagining it from his youth. “My dad is always disturbing me, I’d leave him one day”, “My mum keeps comparing me with other kids, I’d surprise her some day”, “I’m not wired to study medicine, if my parents continue forcing me, I might run away from home”. I’m not saying that bad parenting is the only reason why a child imagines evil, but bad parenting will definitely have a 99% stake in it.

Let’s read a few verses from Genesis chapter 8:

Genesis 8:

20 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.

21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.

Just look at that. God smelled Noah’s sacrifice and concluded that the evil imaginations of man started from his youth. He probably believed that if a father like Noah raised children, there wouldn’t be so much evil, such that He’d have to destroy the earth again. God is so particular about good parenting, no wonder he testified of Abraham that he’d teach his children His ways.

So, before you think of disowning your child, you have questions to answer. Where were you when your child struggled with evil imaginations? According to that scripture, if a person is evil, he began to build that evil character from his youth. So I ask again, where were you when your child entered his youth age? Perhaps if there was a close guard and mentorship from the parent, things wouldn’t be so bad today.

As I conclude, don’t give up on your child. Rather, keep having faith that the prodigal son will come back some day. Actually, the prodigal son will always come back, as long as the father is ready to receive him. If your child no longer listens to you, at least he can listen to God. And if you want God to speak to him, then keep praying. God will always turn up for His elect that cries unto Him day and night.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus name!

#EmekaAnslem