“Pastor, I’m planning to get married and I don’t want a woman that will distract me from my purpose. What do I do?”

Then don’t marry a woman just because she has feelings for you, but because she understands your values. If she understands your values, you won’t have to start pleading with her everytime you need to travel for a business trip. If she understands your values, she won’t ask you to take her out on Saturdays because she knows you have to prepare a sermon for Sunday.

Most pastors make this mistake when it comes to choosing who to marry. Just because a lady is a good prayer warrior and a ardent student of God’s word doesn’t mean she’d make a good wife. Likewise, just because a lady can warm your bed, cook your food, wash your cloths and do the dishes does not mean she’d make a good wife. She may be able to do all that, but if she consistently opposes your values, you’re going to be frustrated in marriage.

Making a good wife or even husband begins by understanding the values of your spouse. Imagine that Abraham told Sarah about the plan to sacrifice Isaac, I’m sure Sarah would have poisoned Abraham before morning. That’s right, Sarah didn’t strike me as someone who understood the values or priorities of Abraham her husband. As far as God was concerned, there is nothing that Abraham could not give just to maintain his relationship with God. He placed great value on God.

Abraham was ready to wait for God’s time. On the other hand, Sarah was in a hurry to have a child, so she compelled him to lay with her maid – which eventually became a bad idea. I humorously say that if Abraham knew God before he married Sarah, he probably wouldn’t have married her.

Don’t marry a person that will kill your dreams with feelings; marry someone that will support your values despite their feelings. Imagine that Jesus was married, then imagine that he told his wife that he was going to die for the world. The kind of wife that will agree to that is scarce in this life. Who wants to marry a man that will soon die? 😂. This is why I don’t blame some visionaries who are still single, they probably haven’t found a lady who would make sacrifices for the values they represent.

Bishop Oyedepo would often say that his wife singlehandedly raised their children. In other words, he was hardly available for the children. Ladies should learn from this, don’t marry a man of God if you can’t raise the children and man the house independent of your husband. Because most of the time, he’d be with God. I’m not saying that he won’t take care of his family, ofcourse he will, but his priority is the assignment that God gave to him. And that means you have to handle situations that may distract him from that assignment.

Please don’t marry a man of God because you have feelings for him, or because he’s good looking and commands respect; marry him because you want to help him raise a family while he serves God.

Every man who has found purpose in life would definitely have values that he lives by, and it is these values that guide his decisions. I’m a teacher of the gospel, and I communicate my teachings mostly through writing. I value anything that grants me access to more knowledge, and I easily lose interest in anything that isn’t inspiring or challenging me. My wife knows this, so each time we have a outing, she’d tell me how long it will take so I can decide whether to go or not to. I may not be able to spend one hour in parties, but I can spend a whole day in a conference.

I believe in prayer and I have my personal prayer time with God, but you’re very unlikely to see me in a prayer conference. It’s fine if it’s for an hour or two, but if it goes beyond that, I’m gone. This isn’t pride at all, it’s just that I’d rather be studying at that moment than being fed with prayer points. I remember the last time we went to a beach to celebrate my sister in-law’s birthday. The environment was good, the meal was great, the scene was beautiful, but I became bored after an hour and wanted to go home.

Now this doesn’t mean I don’t have fun or that I’m not a fun person to be with, ofcourse I have fun, but I do it within my creative space. For instance, I can sit for long hours playing games or even watching movies, inside my house o😂. Those things have a way of challenging and inspiring me. You better don’t laugh 🙄😒!

As I conclude, if you’re a purpose-driven person, then beware of marrying someone who is feelings-driven. Because as far as emotions is concerned, personal values may not make sense. They’d always make decisions based on their feelings, and if you don’t respond, they’d begin to react. It’s only a matter of time before the marriage is destroyed. Sarah reacted to her feelings and made decisions based on her feelings. At some point, God didn’t speak to Abraham because he did what his wife compelled him to do. He stabbed his values for feelings.

Be careful though, some ladies also have their own values, they are purpose-driven. So ensure that your values agree at every point.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

#EmekaAnslem