“ Pastor, I have a calling from God, and the lady I’d like to marry has a purpose different from my calling. What’s your advice?”

I remember when I was set to get married. I took my wife to the marriage committee of the church to declare our intention – hoping that they’d give us the marriage forms to commence the process. I was already a popular figure in church, so I hoped alot of protocols would be skipped for my sake. To our amazement, they gave us a reference letter to the church hospital – which contained an instruction to run a blood test on both of us.

Prior to that time, my wife and I had validated our feelings for each other. That connection was there and so our minds were made up to get married. But the moment they gave us that letter, we suddenly realized that there was something greater than emotions. Despite the feelings we had for each other, if our genotypes were incompatible, the church would not join us in holy matrimony.

For the record, I’ve always known that it’s not advisable to marry someone whose genotype isn’t compartible with yours. I’ve heard stories of people who ignored the warnings and went ahead with marriage, not knowing that they were signing up for stress in marriage. Yet, I couldn’t tell why I never considered a genotype compatibility test even before we approached the marriage committee.

You see, purpose and genotype aren’t really different in the way they influence a marriage. And that’s because anybody who is purpose-driven would have set values by which he runs his life, and trying to make him endure a lifestyle that isn’t backed up by his values may end up frustrating him.

For instance, a pastor is not expected to marry a lingerie model. If he does, his pastoral ministry will be short lived. Her motives for being a lingerie model may be right, but a pastor doesn’t need a wife that exposes sensitive parts of her body. No matter how much you try to align it, you’d always have clashes. While the pastor is promoting spirituality, the model is promoting canality. So even if she dresses decently to church during service days, it won’t change the picture that members have in their head about her.

If you’re a social media influencer, don’t marry someone who isn’t interested in social media. And that’s because she won’t see the level of work you do. If you’re not careful, she may even think you’re lazy – especially if she ask you to do something you couldn’t do, probably because you were exhausted from work.

During the early days of my social media ministry, I had a relationship with a lady I hoped to get married to. But guess what? She wasn’t a social media person. She didn’t even have a social media account. She had her own plans for a career. And believe me, you don’t want to know how it feels when everybody else sees your work except your fiancé.

The wife is supposed to be one who helps or covers her husband’s weaknesses. That’s what God meant when He said He’d make an helpmeet for man. So that the woman would help the man do those things he can’t do by himself. If the woman isn’t helping the man, won’t the man’s weakness be exposed? This is why many husbands have committed all kinds of error, because their wives didn’t pay attention to their weaknesses.

One of the dangers of marrying someone who isn’t interested in your work is that’s they’d always take decisions that disfavors what you do. Most men who engage in extramarital affairs only got into it because they met someone who shows interest in what they do, and men naturally flow or enjoy the company of women who value what they do.

Let a model marry a photographer. Their partnership would not only be in marriage, it would establish a business. A tailor can marry a teacher. A pastor can marry an administrator, teacher, marketer, banker, doctor, lawyer, or any woman who engages in a decent business. Marry someone whom your values can easily meet somewhere. Imagine how effective a pastor will be if he marries a teacher or even an administrator. Imagine how well he’d be able to manage church funds if he marries a banker. They’d certainly do well.

As I conclude, don’t over-spiritualize the subject of marriage. Don’t marry someone just because she can pray and fast well, take a step further by ensuring that your values are compatible. Prayer and fasting may not be able to save you if your values do not match. If you don’t believe me, ask pastors who lost their marriages, not because they betrayed their wife, but because of some ideas that didn’t match.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Lest I forget, kindly help me send a shout out to my lovely wife. Today’s our wedding anniversary. And then to my dad, today’s his birthday.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

#EmekaAnslem