Oh wow! I’m so sorry about your relationship, and sure, I’d pray for you. But let’s be sure that you understand some basic things about relationships.
3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
That’s right! Do both of you agree? Do you share the same values? One of the things I’ve discovered about relationships is that something that may be considered important by one may not be considered important by the other.
For instance, if your husband doesn’t like church, you may have several disagreements when issues about going to church is raised. As important as saving money is, not all men consider savings important; not necessarily because they are spendthrifts, but because they feel limited when they save. Surprisingly, men like that hardly spend money. No matter how you try to present your case to convince them about savings, you’re never going to win. If you persist, you may gradually begin to experience a decline in emotional connections between the both of you.
That’s right! That’s what disagreement does; it hardens your heart against whoever is trying to change something that is deep seated within you. Once your heart is hardened, meeting emotional needs would become a difficult task. And once meeting emotional needs becomes a difficult task, meaningless challenges would begin to arise in the marriage.
From experience, disagreement destroys marriages faster than anything else. In fact, record shows that married people who got involved in extra marital affairs had disagreements in their homes. The surprising thing is, the disagreement may be something very little and almost insignificant, yet it’s capable of destroying a marriage. Indeed, little foxes do spoil the vine.
So, think back a little, what do you and your spouse argue about often? What was the root cause of that argument? How has his reaction been since the last argument? The funny thing is that most women don’t think back, they’d often blame it on an extramarital affair. A woman’s default notion when she doesn’t get attention from her husband is that he’s seeing someone else. She’s begin to check his phone and doing all sorts. This isn’t always the case. He may just be withdrawn because your values are not aligning in some areas. Nothing kills a man’s emotion like disalignment.
Another thing is, a man would hardly tell you why he’s distant, because sometimes, he can’t even place words to it. But believe me, the simple explanation is disalignment. You’re probably doing something that is making him lose his masculinity. It’s true that men love sex, but a man who feels disaligned because of you would hardly get intimate with you. People who said that men don’t need their emotions before they can have sex don’t understand the depth of what they are saying.
This is another problem on its own, even though it still leads us back to the first point. You’re definitely going to have disagreements in your relationship if only one party is growing.
As a man, if you’re furthering your education, ensure your wife is also doing something that engages her mind productively, not necessarily education, but something she can gain experience from. The danger of one sided growth is that it would come to a time when both parties would no longer be able to support each other.
If I buy a spiritual book to read, even if I can’t get my wife to read the book, I should be able to share the things I read with her in a conversation. Likewise, if I listen to a sermon that changed something within me, I must communicate that change to her so that she’d be aware that an old character is no longer within me. If possible, I can share the sermon with her. This would help her know how best to communicate with me. This is also applicable to the women.
Marriage is spiritual, and it will take submission to the laws of God to both enjoy and stay in marriage. Pray together, worship the Lord together, study and meditate on the word of God together. Doing this would keep God in your midst, and as long as God is in your midst, the possibility of failing in marriage will be slim.
I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone. My prayer is that as you commit to applying these principles, your home will both be restored and enjoy peace!
Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!