“Pastor, since my husband started reading books and listening to messages of other men of God asides our pastor, his attitude towards me has changed. I’m tired. What do I do?”

I understand how you feel, but the change may not necessarily be towards you, it may just be affecting you because you probably don’t know the things he now knows. As long as you don’t know what he now knows, you may be doing things that violates his updated beliefs. Chances are that even if he explains it to you, you may still think he’s being defensive. But if you hear it directly from the source, it may make sense to you.

That’s why I recommend that couples should grow together. When you noticed that he started following other men of God, you should have joined him. You may not be able to move at his pace, but at least you’d have an idea of what his mindset can change to. Also, when he explains it to you, you’d understand because you also follow the source. Marriage may become difficult if both couples do not have access to the same spiritual information.

While you may want to think that there’s something wrong with the books and the men of God he now listens to, I don’t expect any serious Christian to only listen to one pastor or man of God. That’s not how the body of Christ works. In the body of Christ, there are diversities of gifts and callings, one calling and gift differs from another. While one person may be a great teacher, another may be a great intercessor, no one believer can be an island of all things spiritual.

Marriage is an institution, and what keeps the romance growing are the beliefs within the husband and the wife. A change in one party’s belief system would be a threat to the romance in that marriage. Try to have a conversation with couples who got divorced or seperated, both the husband and the wife would tell you that neither of them understood something about one thing.

The fact that you know the men of God your husband now follows simply means he must have recommended that you follow them too. Following them would actually give you a leverage when situations arise in your home. You’d be able to point out one or two things from the things you’ve learnt from those people. That’s how you win when issues arise. If you attempt to speak emotionally during a dispute, if he doesn’t ignore you, he’d probably lash out.

Your husband is your head. If you want to talk to him about something important, it’s wisdom not to use your own words, use the words of someone superior, someone he respects and listens to. For instance, if your husband respects God, then ensure that you always leverage on God’s word when you speak to him. It would be dishonor to speak to him in your own words. If he respects and listens to a man of God, ensure you use quotes from that man of God when you communicate important matters to him, especially when he’s not agreeing to what you’re saying.

Oh, it’s difficult right! Marriage isn’t a bed of roses after all. The man is the head, and you can only use someone superior to talk sense to him. If you know this, you’d know peace.

This is why marriage counselors would often tell couples to let God be the third person in their marriage. Although they tell the woman to report the husband to God when he’s doing something she doesn’t like, but beyond reporting, she can leverage on God’s word to talk sense into the husband. The only problem would be if the husband doesn’t honour God’s word; attempting to talk to him using God’s word would be futile.

As I conclude, an increase in knowledge naturally elevates a man, and anything around him that didn’t grow with him may become a subject or a victim to his elevated intelligence, including his wife. In other not to be a subject, you have to do all you can to upgrade yourself alongside. I know this is hard meat, but it will help your marriage.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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