“Pastor, why is it hard to get a good lady to marry? I want a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. What do I do?”

To find a good woman, you must stop using cheap parameters while you search. Proverbs 31 already tells us that a good woman is hard to find, and that’s because she’s worth more than diamonds. So stop looking at the make-up she has on, or the mini-skirt and tank top that reveals her beautiful skin, those things are vain and do not worth anything.

The true worth of a woman is not in how beautifully she made up her face or how hot she dresses, it’s in her address. How do the world around her address her? If all they call her is “hot and sexy”, then run for your life. I see a lot of pictures online of ladies who reveal their body, and the comments are never about their brains. I know this because the ones that dresses really “hot” and still have brains get respectable comments.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t marry girls that reveal parts of their body. Rather, I’m saying, if it’s a good woman you are looking for, then after the beauty attracts you to her, before you take a decision, take a journey into her character, because that’s actually her true worth.

No man struggles to pay the bribe price of a good woman, even if he doesn’t have the money, he’d rather work night and day than let her go, and that’s because she’s worth more than diamonds. When I hear men who say they couldn’t continue their wedding plan because of the bride price, I laugh deep down, because I know they didn’t find a good woman. Finding a good woman is like discovering gold in a land. You can’t discover gold inside a land and not look for the money to buy that land before someone else discovers it.

I didn’t mean to offend any lady with that statement, especially those whose marriage plans didn’t scale through because of the bride price issue. Don’t worry, if you weren’t good enough for him, you’d be treasured by someone else soon. However, you may also need to work on yourself. Become that treasure that a man will work day and night to preserve.

Let me also point out that just because a woman loves you doesn’t mean she’s a good woman. Love has a way of subjecting a person to act in favour of the loved. A terrorist can become a saint the moment he falls in love with someone who appears like a saint. It’s why a woman or even a man can suddenly become good once they meet with someone they really love. This kind of love wasn’t developed through vetting the person’s character, it’s just an inexplicable attraction that beclouds one’s judgment; something the world calls “love at first sight”.

The true test of a person’s character isn’t what they do because of love, but what they do because of their beliefs. That’s right! Our character is formed by our various beliefs. And when it comes to choosing a life partner, it’s wisdom to choose someone whose belief system was molded by the principles of scriptures.

Just because a person can pray or quote scriptures doesn’t mean he or she is a good Christian. Prayer or quoting scriptures is not a fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 clearly tells us what to expect from people who are born of the Spirit. It says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance”. So don’t conclude that a person is good just because he or she can pray. There are Christians who pray well yet still engage in traditional practices. They pray to God during the day but pour salt and pepper on the ground in the night (I wonder what that means). God help you if you marry these kind of people.

The fruits of the Spirit cannot be faked. A woman or man cannot have so much affection that he or she would fake the love of God, God’s love cannot be faked. Joy cannot be faked, peace cannot be faked, endurance cannot be faked, gentleness cannot be faked, goodness cannot be faked, faith cannot be faked, meekness cannot be faked, a good temper cannot be faked. These are virtues that can only be nurtured by the principles of God’s word. So when you meet a person that has these fruits, the person definitely lives by the principles of scriptures. And marrying you won’t change their beliefs; they love God before they love you.

Like I remarked earlier, a desperate affection or Eros towards someone can suddenly compel one to appear good, but if you pay attention to the fruits of the Spirit, you will not fall for that deception.

As I conclude, a man or a woman that loves God can hardly go wrong in choosing a life partner. They wouldn’t want to choose anything that would affect their love for God. Consequently, you won’t know a person that loves God if you also don’t love God. You can only attract or find as much as you know, except God just wants to have mercy on you.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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