“Pastor, my husband now smokes and drinks. As we speak, I no longer have feelings for him because of the odours that come from him every day. What do I do?”

I totally understand how you feel, but one thing that is never guaranteed in marriage is this thing called “feeling”. All the butterfly you felt in your stomach while dating may dissappear on the very first week of marriage. This is obviously because character flaws are scarcely revealed or discovered while dating.

If you want to marry a man or a woman just because he or she makes you feel good, then let this message be your saving grace. Don’t marry because you feel good, marry because you love the person.

Speaking of love, love isn’t just an emotional affection towards someone, it’s also commitment, sacrifice and dedication towards a person. Ofcourse, you should feel good when you love someone, but the feeling must be accompanied with a readiness to be committed, dedicated, and make sacrifices where necessary. The feeling is ten percent, the others are thirty percent each. This means that your sacrifices should far outweigh the good feelings you get.

I’ve taught you before that in a Christian marriage, both couples are expected to have Eros and Agape love towards each other. And all through scriptures we’d find 4 unique types of love which the original Greek Bible communicated as Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape. They simply mean romantic love, family love, brotherly love, and God’s divine love.

Eros is the Greek word for sensual or romantic love. The term originated from the mythological Greek god of love, sexual desire, physical attraction, and physical love. Love in the form of Eros seeks its own interest and satisfaction – to possess the object of love. The scripture makes it clear that eros love is reserved for marriage. Promiscuity of all types was rampant in ancient Greek culture and was one of the obstacles Apostle Paul had to battle while planting churches in the eastern Mediterranean. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Apostle Paul warned young believers against engaging in immorality: “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust”.

Within the boundary of marriage, eros love is to be celebrated and enjoyed as a blessing from God. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”

Agape is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. This term defines God’s immeasurable, incomparable love for humankind. It is the divine love that comes from God. Agape love is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. Jesus Christ demonstrated this kind of divine love to his Father and to all humanity in the way he lived and died: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

As believers, we’re encouraged to have Agape love towards each other. This already means that every Christian couple should have at least 2 classifications of love towards each other. How then will you survive with just Eros? How do you survive with just feelings? The people of the world get into marriage by Eros alone, and that’s why they end up in divorce. Let’s not live like the people of the world.

Apostle Paul reveals the scope of Agape love in 1 Corinthians 13. Let’s see how scriptures put it.

1 Corinthians 13:
4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud
5 doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil
6 doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will be done away with. Where there are various languages, they will cease. Where there is knowledge, it will be done away with.

Did you see that? If you have Agape love, then you’d be willing to endure in prayers and counsel until your husband is restored. The truth is, he’s clearly under attack, and instead of making decisions based on your feelings, you should switch to Agape love. Eros might fail, but Agape never fails.

A woman once called me from Kenya for a similar situation. Her’s was a little touching because her husband was a pastor of a big church, doing great miracles. Suddenly they had financial issues and they could no longer afford the bills for the church building. Two women came into his life and offered to help me, not knowing that they were agents of the devil. The man started engaging in all kinds of atrocities, including committing adultery. He smoked, drank and did many despicable things. The church eventually shut down, and the one time vibrant pastor became a drunkard.

I can’t forget how she cried as she spoke to me over the phone. The disgrace and dissapointment was too much for one woman to bear. But then I knew that Agape love never fails, so I told her to engage in a seven day fast for her husband, and all she should ask the Lord for is restoration. Exactly seven days later, she called, but this time with excitement, her husband had repented and was ready to start afresh with God.

So you see, Agape love never fails. Think about it, God destroyed His creation with water in the time of Noah, but it didn’t stop people from sinning against Him. But when He decided to engage His never failing love, He got a better and long lasting result.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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