“Pastor, I don’t understand what is happening. I’ve lost my job, most of my friends have betrayed me and the ones that are left avoid me. I’ve prayed and fasted yet nothing is changing. What do I do?”

I’m so sorry about the situation, but if you lose friends after you lost your job or stream of income, then it’s either you never really had friends or you were putting up a life that attracted the wrong friends.

One of the greatest mistakes people make is not being able to discern who their true friends are. You have to be able to define the purpose of every person that comes into your life. A rich man would definitely have many friends, but most of those friends are only friends to his riches, not necessarily friends to his person. The moment the riches is affected, then the true friends will appear. Let me show you a scripture:

Proverbs 19:
4 Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour.
6 Many will intreat the favour of the prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts.
7 All the brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him? he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him.

Look at that! Wealth makes many friends, not the wealthy man. The moment poverty is introduced, even his neighbour can be seperated from him. Verse 6 further says that every man is a friend to him that gives gifts. So if you were the kind of person that loved to gift people – even when it’s unnecessary or without discipline, then you most likely would have attracted wrong people into your life. “Every man is a friend to him that gives”. They’d remain friends with you as long as something continues to come from you. They’d fight for you and defend you, but the moment the gifts stops coming, they’d begin to seperate themselves from you little by little.

According to verse 7, no matter how much you try to convince these friends in your challenging times, they won’t pay attention to you. Your own relatives may hate you while poor, and your friends may go far away from you, which literally mean they’d begin to avoid you.

Beware of living a life that attracts the wrong people into your life. Don’t leave to please people’s expectation of you, live to please God. If you live to please God, then God will raise men to help you in times of trouble. The reason why you probably feel frustrated now is because you hoped that your friends whom you invested so much in would be able to bail you out. Unfortunately, you don’t have those kind of friends in your life. Asides that, it’s scripturally unacceptable to trust in man in times of trouble.

Speaking of friends, there are three kinds of people we knowingly or unknowingly associate with. They are; Confidants, Constituents, and Comrades:

Confidants are people who are always for you. They will do everything to get you out of trouble just as they’d do everything to see you established in life. They forgive all your wrongs, their heart is positioned just for you. They are hurt when you’re hurt, and happy when you’re happy. If you have two or three of these kind of people around you, then you’d never fail in life. Asides God, it’s hard to find a confidant in this life. Some parents and friends do their best, but there’s usually one flaw or the other.

Constituents are people who are only for what you are for. That is; they like what you like. If you want peace to reign – they may support you wholeheartedly, because they want peace too. But they don’t care about your personal life, their aim is what they’d be able to achieve through you. They don’t value your dream, and if you’re not smart, they’d steal it from you. If they make a million dollar profit monthly – through you, they’d leave you and look for someone else if the millions stop flowing from you.

A comrade is just like a Constituent, except that he’s against what you’re against. They sometimes appear to be the same, but they are not. Comrades don’t like what you like, no! They only hate what you hate!

So, anytime you enter a relationship, you should first define it. If you associate with comrades alone, you may live a life full of hatred for things; you may even end up hating what you like – because they may eventually hate your likes, and if you’re not smart you’d fall for them. If you associate with constituents alone, you may not be able to discern what is not right, you may subsequently be cheated in life. Even your constituent may cheat you because you’d think he likes you. Don’t be scared to set boundaries for these two categories of people, because they may drown you without knowing. Ofcourse you need them to get to your high places, so don’t go hating everybody because you don’t like their attitude or behavior, act matured and determine their purpose – before you become companions.

Both comrades and constituents can become confidants, it just depends on how you present yourself. A fake life will definitely attract fake friends. An indisciplined life will attract an indisciplined friend. If you use money to get friends, then you can only use money to keep them. All three categories of people are still your friends, but only one category will remain when the chips are down. And God help you if you don’t have anybody in that category, you’d be alone.

As I conclude, it’s okay to make friends, especially productive ones, but let your trust and confidence be in God at all times. If you put your trust in flesh, then you’d definitely be dissapointed.

I hope this has brought enlightenment to someone.

Remain ever blessed, in Jesus precious name!

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